This place is a message... and part of a system of messages ...pay attention to it! Sending this message was important to us. We considered ourselves to be a powerful culture. This place is not a place of honor ... no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here... nothing valued is here. What is here was dangerous and repulsive to us. This message is a warning about danger. The danger is in a particular location... it increases towards a center... the center of danger is here... of a particular size and shape, and below us. The danger is still present, in your time, as it was in ours. The danger is to the body, and it can kill. The form of the danger is an emanation of energy. The danger is unleashed only if you substantially disturb this place physically. This place is best shunned and left uninhabited.

ON RETURNING TO OLD PURSUITS

OCTOBER 10, 2024

Well, this is embarrassing. Not only have I not posted in nigh on two years, I also haven't been writing. I have a complex about creative work, specifically about not producing it to my own standards. Although I know that practice, ugly, repetitious, grueling practice is usually needed before you start to like your own stuff, I just can't seem to dedicate the time. I want the words to fall golden and whole out of my head onto the page.

SO, what have I been up to for the past 20 months if not working towards the one goal I set for myself? Quite a lot, actually! I live in a new city, with a new job, having recently returned from a five week trip overseas. My ideas on what my life should look like have shifted enormously, which I feel is only healthy after a couple years. I am still more reclusive than I would like to be, tending towards solitude when not pushed to venture out. At the same time, I am nurturing a quiet confidence in my ability to communicate with others and to be understood. I am reading more classics and listening to more music. I have begun to teach myself how to draw.

This is maybe the most miraculous shift in perspective that I have observed. Art and drawing in particular are things which I am not comfortable with. I have always felt untalented, ungainly, and stupid in this area. On the other hand, I have never seriously attempted to learn. This inconsistency, feeling incapable without having tried, is one that I am trying to eradicate from my personality and the way I move through the world. It remains to be seen if the change will be permanent, but just yesterday I drew my hand and recognized it on the page.